i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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