I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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