And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
where are my eyebrows?
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