I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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