New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
