She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize