he was CRYING into my vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
