I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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