Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
