Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
