She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
