I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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