i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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