i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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