wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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