I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
