when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
