What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
