Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
