The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
