No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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