So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
