You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
