I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
