paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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