dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
