don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
