dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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