I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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