I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
