I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
