dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
