Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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