Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
