nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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