Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
