i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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