fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
