I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
