So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
