My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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