her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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