Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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