so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
