Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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