it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
