he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Randomize
