Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
