The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
