I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
