I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize