the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
