Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
