Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
