I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
