so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
