rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
