i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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