I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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