I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
