ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
