My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
