i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
