A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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