"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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