Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
