butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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