I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
