i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
