I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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