It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
